n a groundout, and another in the fourth of

As a die-hard Baltimore Ravens fan, certainly Id like to ease into a 5-year, 40-million dollar deal with my boys in purple (though blue better complements my skin tone). The club has a need at starting left tackle — with Eugene Monroe potentially on the move — and the entire offensive line is in disarray. Still, I tell myself, Ive got to stay open to possibilities. So Ive hired an agent. He keeps insisting hes not the type of agent Im seeking, and really wants me to check out a fully furnished 2-bedroom condo he wont stop talking about. His name is Gary Maguire and theres just something exciting about him. Maybe its the crazy look in his eyes. Maybe its that he keeps repeating "help me, help you". Whatever it is, he really gets me: Maguire: You dont look like an NFL player.Gallay: I get that a lot.Maguire: Not sure youre even muscular enough to be an NFL fan.Gallay: Im going to put my clothes back on.Maguire: Shouldnt you declare for the draft first—not free agency?Gallay: Theres too much running at the Scouting Combine. Not my strong suit.Maguire: So how am I going to pitch you to NFL front offices? What are your skills?Gallay: Im tenacious. Im focused. I cant catch a football, but I can clumsily swat at other people playing football. My wife says Im in the way a lot, so I plan on using that to my advantage. Im also dangerously delusional. (I hand him a doctors note.)Maguire: Fine. Ive seen more done with less. Lets talk staging. After discussing mortgage pre-approval for some reason, he and I come up with a plan. He explains to me how most NFL offensive linemen are well over six feet tall, roughly 300-350 pounds, a decade younger than me, and likely had a successful college career followed by some prior success in the NFL. I explain to him that Im not like other people. We settle on agreeing Im a maverick and get to work. "First, you need to put on 165 pounds." I tell him no problem, I did it once, I can do it again. He advises me Ill have to do it in under 35 years this time. Ideally hed like me to hit the target weight by mid-afternoon. Im on it, I holler, through large bites of tofurkey. He stops me as I head towards the bathroom, reminding me I cant afford to lose any weight today. "Next, you need to grow five inches, possibly seven." I explain to him that my whole allure is quarterbacks will have no problem seeing over top of me. Of the other significant O-line free agents, Branden Albert is 65. So is Eugene Monroe. And Rodger Saffold. Jared Veldheer is 68! My shortness and poor posture is EXACTLY how Im gonna differentiate myself from those terrifying brutes! Maguire is unconvinced, so I grudgingly step into the medieval stretching machine he found on Kijiji. It smells of pine wood and suffering, which Im told is exactly what Vince Lombardis station wagon smelled like. "Your hands are too small. Left tackles have huge mitts." Thats the least of my worries, I explain, as I wrap 50 yards of tape to my left hand. Well just tell coaches I have a sprained thumb and I should be better in 2-4 years. Everyone in the NFL is nursing an injury. Shows Im tough. "What about your embarrassing lack of football knowledge and acumen? You just called a touchdown a Pass-The-Liney-Scorey." Ill give it to Maguire, hes asking all the right questions. I explain how I consume 8 hours of NFL Network every day, a claim which seems to impress him. Also, Im able to name four other offensive linemen, none of them John Madden, which is more than 98% of football fans. (To be fair, since nobody knows their names, Maguire cant verify if Richie Incognito is an actual human being.) "Last thing. What do we do about your, um, advanced age?" No problem, I tell him. Im going to change my name to Stanislav Gomez, a young Cuban defector. (I figure if Oscar Isaac, a multi-talented Cuban-Guatemalan, can play a spot-on pasty neurotic Jew in Inside Llewyn Davis, surely I can do the opposite.) We both nod in unison, followed by an enthusiastic slow clap. Time to show me the money, Maguire. He advises me to not say anything else until Ive contacted a copyright attorney. And here we are, Tuesday, March 11, the opening salvo for NFL free agency. I see that Alterraun Verner my fellow hot commodity free agent has been tweeting bible verses to me (and all his followers) for the past several hours. My Verner Mountain Dog, what a joker! Gosh, I hope we land on the same team. Anyway, I better tweet him back before he gets worried. Also, I better get some rest (Im super fat now). Whatever happens, Im not worried. Its like my dad has always told me, worst comes to worst you fall back on your education. Thank goodness I got that Division I degree in sports anthropology. (Maguire knows a guy who knows a guy who is gonna get me a diploma.) Gonna be a big year. Gallays Poll #2 Which situation would be the best fit for Gallay? a) A multi-year deal with his favourite organization, the Baltimore Ravens (said every Steeler fan).b) Drawing five-pointed stars hoping the Devil shows up offering a deal.c) Pulling out of free agency until 2015 to realize all his goals in intramural soccer baseball.d) Discussing his dosage level with a trained professional. Tennessee Titans Jerseys . "All he says is, its crazy," DeMar DeRozan told reporters following Torontos win over the Pistons Wednesday. The Raptors longest-serving members, Johnson and DeRozan have had two coaches and 56 different teammates in five seasons with the club, all without appearing in a single playoff game. Custom Tennessee Titans Jerseys . As for regular Olympic spectators, theyre being warned that most travel insurance policies wont cover acts of terrorism or war. The Games in southern Russia, which run from Feb. 7-23, are being staged amid unprecedented security and under global warnings of danger. http://www.authenticfootballshoptitans.c...-titans-jersey/. After losing a shutout bid in the dying seconds of Sundays win over the Colorado Avalanche, Luongo would not be denied against the punchless Oilers and is now just one back of Patrick Roy for 14th on the all-time list. Will Compton Jersey . Catch the action live on TSN2 at 7:30pm et/4:30pm pt. The Wild lead the Northwest Division and look to get back into the win column after having a season-high seven-game winning streak cut short with Tuesdays 2-1 loss at Winnipeg in the finale of a five-game road trip (4-1-0). Luke Stocker Jersey .com) - Australian Open champion Li Na, former Wimbledon winner Petra Kvitova and former world No. MILWAUKEE -- Cardinals starters are feeling right at home on the mound at Miller Park. A night after Lance Lynn shutout the Brewers, fellow hard-throwing right-hander Shelby Miller followed Tuesday by striking out seven and allowing three hits over six innings to lead St. Louis to a 6-1 win. Mark Ellis had two RBIs in his return from the disabled list, while Matt Holliday and Jhonny Peralta each hit solo shots in the ninth for the Cardinals, who handed Milwaukee its second straight loss following a nine-game winning streak. Miller (1-2) routinely fired fastballs clocked into the mid-90s past hitters before turning the game over to the bullpen in the seventh. He bounced back after starting the year with two losses and a 6.35 ERA in his first two starts. "That looks more like Shelby. The velocity was there," manager Mike Matheny said. Only Aramis Ramirez managed to break through off Miller hitting a solo homer in the fourth. "Sneaky fast. Hes throwing. Its not only sneaky ... he spots his fastball really well on the outside corner, inside," Ramirez said. "Hes going to come right at you, so weve got to make some adjustments." They didnt make enough of them Tuesday. The Brewers have just one run and six hits over the first two games of the three-game set with their NL Central rival. Marco Estrada (1-1) took the loss after allowing three runs over six innings. The right-hander, who was off to a good start with a 2.31 ERA entering Tuesday, had a little uncharacteristic trouble with his command. He hit a batter in the second, then issued a walk in the third to Matt Carpenter that set up Allen Craigs RBI double. Estrada also threw a wild pitch in the fourth, but did allow just five hits. "When they battle like that and keep the team in the ballgame, thats their job. Theyre not going to feel good every time out," manager Ron Roenicke said. It would have been more than adequate pitching during the Brewers long winnning streak.dddddddddddd But that was before Milwaukee had to face the aces from St. Louis. Lynn was in control Monday night after striking out 11 over seven innings. Miller was just as effective. He got Jean Segura to ground out to second and caught Ryan Braun looking on a 94 mph fastball to start the fourth. The only mistake was a fastball down the middle of the plate that Ramirez turned on for his second homer and team-best 12th RBI. Miller recovered nicely to end the fourth by getting Jonathan Lucroy to hit a one-hopper to first. Miller, who improved to 4-0 career against the Brewers, had a 2.03 career ERA against Milwaukee entering Tuesday. "A lot of power in that lineup. Really throughout the whole lineup is pretty solid, so the biggest thing you do is try and keep them off balance as much as possible," Miller said. The Cardinals had built a 3-0 lead by the top of the fourth to back Miller. After missing the seasons first 13 games with left knee tendinitis, Ellis made a nice debut by driving in a run in the second on a groundout, and another in the fourth off a sacrifice fly. "Mark did a great job -- all the little things we talk about," Matheny said. NOTES: Kolten Wong had started 12 of the teams first 13 games at second until Ellis rejoined the club. Manager Mike Matheny said he didnt necessarily have a plan on how he would split playing time. "We just watch how hes going, watch how Koltens going," Matheny said. "Realize that we have a very, very good option there at second base and just kind of take it day by day." ... The Cardinals were 8-1 on Tax Day since 2005 entering Tuesdays game. ... Brewers manager Ron Roenicke managed his 500th career game to become the sixth skipper in franchise history to reach that plateau with the organization. ... The teams wrap up the three-game set with a Wednesday matinee. The Cardinals Joe Kelly (1-0) will be opposed by the Brewers Wily Peralta (1-0) on the mound. 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